Reunions: Detox for the soul

There are days that you have fun and there are days that are special. One of the ways to increase the number of special days is attending reunions with people you grew up back in school or college.

But then you will wonder if you should really go.To that particular reunion. 

Because, all of a sudden —you will come across a group of people wanting to just come together for the heck of it. Just be together for a few days and no element of practical or logical mind of yours will be able to explain the forces behind such an event.

And then in the likely event that it happens, you will be asked to connect with people you haven’t connected with for a long time. Or you would have not known for a long time.

And you will keep wondering if you should go. There would be a big WHY question. WHY go to a reunion? Why, why, why? The negatives might seem to outweigh the positives, at least at first. You will wonder if one-upmanship will rear its ugly head. Or if you will be forced into a box you have worked so hard to break free from over the last few years. Or if you will remember anyone or worse...whether anyone will remember you.

But maybe … you should go. At least show up for a while. Maybe, because the benefit will show up. Surprising benefit. Benefit that will be hard to articulate up front, because you won’t know it exists until you are there.

You won’t know what impact you might have. You won’t know what impact it might have on you.

Unless you go.

Yes ;  I have attended a few reunions.....school mates and college ones. And I write this on this final day of a college hostel mates reunion...Hostel no.3, Punjab University,Chandigarh. This is place I lived for four long and memorable years and graduated to become engineers for a lifetime. As it turns out and understandably so, it worked out different for all of us and the guys now are in different places, doing different things, some quite successful, some not so and some still working on it. Some had trying times and some still passing through some.

I admit, on the first reunion some years back, when I walked through the hotel door where the group was holding out, my heart was pounding with anticipation.

It had been a while.

But there in the room stood a few guys with the same old...same old persona. Some guys who looked nearly the same and others very different from how they were. Some bit outspoken and others who just wanted to be present and enjoy the moment. Some trying to size up with others and some others who did not care. The talk came next and it revolved more or less about tough days and how we all managed to rough it out. How life treated you, how people treated you and what made you the person you are now. No hold barred, just speak your mind stuff....just like old times. 

I noticed that people start sharing more when the discussion warms up. The talk goes deep about many things. Success in jobs. Failure in jobs. Triumph in relationships. Sorrow in relationships. Good times and difficult times. Instances recalled and revised to memory. Exchanging the likes and dislikes of our children, who are growing up fast with every reunion. There were stories recalled of struggles of everyone and some who did not have any.

The wisdom of years, and the grace of being given what wasn’t deserved.

Some of us shared some events. Certain things about other were known without being shared. But everyone cared and were sensitive enough not to discuss that. Some issues were just laughed away like the Dahi- bhalla of Gopals and the Ras –malai of Bikanerwala.(although lot of effort went behind it).

We talked of guys on which some of us survived in college for their notes. Then there were those  who we all thought about and gave a ring at the  dead of the night(in their time zones). There was someone who had lost their loved ones and others who had come all the way to meet up with ailing relatives. Our thoughts were with them and they knew that that was true.

We remember  classmates no longer alive and others not traceable even in this day and age. We recalled a guy who had left us all for the heavenly abode  and  we remembered him in tribute and kept a two minute silence ( Vijay Thakur : RIP, you will always be missed in all such reunions). There was also stories about guys who had troubled relationships and were still trying to get over it. The world can be a brutal place to be in.

And just by saying that all will be well and sending blessings their way was enough.There were guys who had battled cancer. And who  told their story of the battle and victory. One another was fighting it out and  Winning. Winning. Winning.

There also are stories of old flames and certain clarifications came from unexpected quarters  as we all opened up and then everything fell in place.

Just keep talking and sharing. This time around, we talked all evening and late into the wee hours. We talked some more the next day at dinner at our favourite haunt – ‘Ghazal’, where more classmates came. We talked after dinner and had a round of Sector 17, Chandigarh trying to recall various places of what all had not changed and what all had. The late night movies and tickets of the Amitabh Bacchan starrer –‘Hum’ and ‘Sirroco’ bought in black were also a hot topic.

The more reunions I attend, I see more openness and less shallowness from everyone. It turns out that it is all about valuing the people from your past and sincerely valuing  the moment, gathered with these people we had  known for so long.

On the morning of the final day, we sat together getting things to eat from the elaborate buffet. It was a feeling of being back in time, being able to just be yourself as we spent time talking and laughing (and swearing with Punjabi expletives) with all the stories and tears. .  

Taking time out to spend a few days  in a place where we spent the formative periods of our lives can cleanse you of the negative energies and make you  more emotionally resilient in a way.

This is highly recommended by me too. While we see good turnout of people who just want to travel back in time, its a time to keep these bonds strong forever. Forever.

What had made this experience the way it was. The depth of the combined experience over the years had proved more powerful than could ever be fully described. Rather, the power in the reunion had emerged from our togetherness. We were just happy to still be here. Happy to be alive. Happy to be at peace with each other. Happy that today a new banner flew over us—and I’ll use this word even if it sounds a bit cheesy—

A banner of love.

This I would say with a prayer to the lord almighty :

I pray for healing of all the souls. Because it was clear the years had hurt everyone. I also pray for gratitude over us. Thankful to the Creator for the people from our pasts, the people who proved so valuable yesterday and today. So very valuable.

That’s how I would like to close our college hostel reunion. The class of 1994. With this unforeseen and powerful benefit.

And you?

Soon you will be invited to a reunion.

You will wonder if you should go … 

Go. 

P.S. : Written with inputs from a blog byMarcus Brotherton.